Archive: March 12, 2007
There aren't really a dozen sourdough buns in that bag, maybe only 5 or 6. But still, Free Buns! Who's going to argue with that? Sure beats Poop on a Sheet.
Monday, 28 July 2008
Baker's Dozen
There aren't really a dozen sourdough buns in that bag, maybe only 5 or 6. But still, Free Buns! Who's going to argue with that? Sure beats Poop on a Sheet.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
My Fence
Archive: January 10, 2007You might expect that I would find my patio fence on my patio, and you'd be right. But typically in a more vertical arrangement, serving the purpose of dividing my patio from the next.
As I've mentioned before, the particular arrangement of the building and patio wall serve to create a wind tunnel which, particularly in the winter, generate incredibly strong gusts across the front of my apartment. That coupled with the damp wood-rotting coastal environment was sufficient to strike a serious blow to the integrity of my fence.
You can see here the first hit as I discovered it the next morning. Fortunately it collapsed away from my window, and I didn't have to deal with rain and debris blown into my livingroom.
My noisy pot-head neighbor at the time (who has since moved out) took it upon himself to stand the fence upright again. Of course a few days later it was windy and snowy and this was the result, collapsing completely.
Once the weather cleared up a bit, my noisy pot-head neighbor decided to stand it up again, its structural integrity marginally exceeding that of a house of cards, but perhaps not quite reaching the level of a house of soup cans. The latticework part which got completely separated was tidied up and conveniently deposited...
...in the corner of my patio farthest from his. The only thing that really bothers me about this is that in order to stack up the fence parts in this corner of my patio, he would be standing directly outside my bedroom window.By this point I had long since reported the broken fence to the resident manager of the building, and he assured me that he would take it up with the building council and once the weather had cleared up, it would be repaired. After a few months passed he quit, and we got a new building manager, who I again reported the broken fence to, and he assured me that he would take it up with the building council and once the weather had cleared up, it would be repaired. A contractor was brought in to make an estimate which was provided to the council, and rejected. Later on, another contractor was brought in to make and estimate which was provided to the council, and rejected. The contractor subsequently provided a revised estimate which was approved.
Recently the fence did get fixed, a year and a half later, in June of 2008.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Poop Sheet
Archive: January 6, 2007Probably the most disgusting Thing I've Found On My Patio so far, in quality if not quantity. This little gem followed on the heels of the much more practical Free Brush.
What precisely is it you might ask? It's exactly what it looks like, toilet paper... used. What the thought process was that led to its deposit on my patio I can't imagine. It's likely it came from a unit above me, as I suspect it would be pretty hard to toss this up from the street.
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Free Brush
Archive: January 5, 2007One of the first Things I Found On My Patio, a brush of some kind, sort of the kind you get with a plastic dustpan, or for brushing snow off your car windshield. I have no idea where it came from, but it's possible it was blown over onto my area of the patio from my neighbor's. The shape of my building and the patio wall create hurricane force winds across the front of my apartment.
It is covered in sloppy BC coastal snow/rain.
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Poocat's Revenge
Well it would seem that the Poocat Barrier was largely successful, and my patio door is free of the steamy nasal villainy of fresh cat poo. However the resources involved in its construction left little in the way of protection for the farther reaches of the patio, and Poocat, ever the resourceful one, exploited this weakness to his and/or her terrible advantage(s).
Note the Outdoor Granules of Ineffectiveness.
This corner of the patio does not receive direct sunlight, nor does a breeze cross it into my patio door, so Poocat's encrochement will be rendered largely ineffective, if still unwanted. The relative low priority of these latest attacks should allow me to aquire the building materials necessary for a Rear Poocat Barrier at my leisure. I suspect at the very least a Tilex refill bottle to be forthcoming, and several peanut butter jars may serve adequately in this less hotly contested arena.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Poocat Barrier
Behold, the Poocat Barrier...
The Poocat Barrier is composed of Mixed Containers filled with water for weight. This is all I happened to have sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for me to take to the recycling, so it's just another reason you should procrastinate as long as possible on this sort of thing, one day those empty pasta sauce jars and cranberry juice bottles will come in handy, and you don't want to be the sucker who takes care of his recycling regularly.
Why construct such a formidable structure you might ask? It is my hope that it will be enough of a deterrent to protect me from the worst of the Poocat advances for approximately the next two weeks. I didn't know for sure which of my two neighbors, whom I share the patio with, was the owner of Poocat, but today I found out.
I suspected it was my nearest neighbor, and so today I knocked on his door. He initially apologized for being too loud (he had music playing) but I told him that was not my concern as relative to previous tenants he was as silent as a crypt (that's another story, and another blog, perhaps Noisy And/Or Smelly People That Live Beside Me). He confirmed that he was in fact the keeper of two cats, and that he had already been fined as the Resident Manager knew about them, owing to the fact that some 9 or 10 months ago the bylaws of the building were amended such that no new casts or dogs were allowed in the building (existing pets were allowed to stay).
I posed my situation to him, that being my apartment smelling like cat urine and feces, as Poocat used the gravel immediately outside my patio door as a litter box. My neighbor apologized, and offered to clean up any Poocat deposits, which I declined as it would me even more annoying to get him to do it than to just do it myself. He noted that he was allergic to cats, that he really had to let them out sometimes especially since it was so hot inside (being a south-west-ish facing unit with no AC, like mine), and he really had to have the window open sometimes. I pointed out that being in the same situation I also would like to have my window open without the stench of cat poo permeating my home.
Eventually he mentioned that he was essentially a cat-sitter for his girlfriend's mother, who was "off in Paris or something", and that they would "be gone in two weeks". "I've almost taken them to the vet a couple of times. I can barely stand them."
Taking him at his word, I will simply attempt to deal with Poocat as best I can for the next couple of weeks in the hope that I will soon be rid of this plague of poo. I had originally considered a defense as elaborate as buying actual bricks or tiles with which to cover the gravel area of my patio, but given the pending departure of Poocat, a more transient solution seemed appropriate, and the Mixed Containers Poocat Barrier was born.
By this point you might be wondering about the liquid dribbled from the end of the Poocat Barrier onto the patio tile, and no, it is not cat pee. It is, in fact...
Undiluted Lemon Scented Multi-Purpose Mr Clean, which seems to be reasonably effective at masking and removing the potent stench of urine soaked gravel baked under the mid afternoon sun.
One of my earlier attempts in cat-pee-smell-suppression involved a bottle of Nature's Miracle Stain & Odor Remover, purchased at a nearby pet supply store. It really didn't work that great, but I also tried it on a hotter day when the smell of cat pee was particularly noticeable. I used up the entire bottle, and in my opinion, the impact was negligible.
The Poocat Barrier is composed of Mixed Containers filled with water for weight. This is all I happened to have sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for me to take to the recycling, so it's just another reason you should procrastinate as long as possible on this sort of thing, one day those empty pasta sauce jars and cranberry juice bottles will come in handy, and you don't want to be the sucker who takes care of his recycling regularly.
Why construct such a formidable structure you might ask? It is my hope that it will be enough of a deterrent to protect me from the worst of the Poocat advances for approximately the next two weeks. I didn't know for sure which of my two neighbors, whom I share the patio with, was the owner of Poocat, but today I found out.
I suspected it was my nearest neighbor, and so today I knocked on his door. He initially apologized for being too loud (he had music playing) but I told him that was not my concern as relative to previous tenants he was as silent as a crypt (that's another story, and another blog, perhaps Noisy And/Or Smelly People That Live Beside Me). He confirmed that he was in fact the keeper of two cats, and that he had already been fined as the Resident Manager knew about them, owing to the fact that some 9 or 10 months ago the bylaws of the building were amended such that no new casts or dogs were allowed in the building (existing pets were allowed to stay).
I posed my situation to him, that being my apartment smelling like cat urine and feces, as Poocat used the gravel immediately outside my patio door as a litter box. My neighbor apologized, and offered to clean up any Poocat deposits, which I declined as it would me even more annoying to get him to do it than to just do it myself. He noted that he was allergic to cats, that he really had to let them out sometimes especially since it was so hot inside (being a south-west-ish facing unit with no AC, like mine), and he really had to have the window open sometimes. I pointed out that being in the same situation I also would like to have my window open without the stench of cat poo permeating my home.
Eventually he mentioned that he was essentially a cat-sitter for his girlfriend's mother, who was "off in Paris or something", and that they would "be gone in two weeks". "I've almost taken them to the vet a couple of times. I can barely stand them."
Taking him at his word, I will simply attempt to deal with Poocat as best I can for the next couple of weeks in the hope that I will soon be rid of this plague of poo. I had originally considered a defense as elaborate as buying actual bricks or tiles with which to cover the gravel area of my patio, but given the pending departure of Poocat, a more transient solution seemed appropriate, and the Mixed Containers Poocat Barrier was born.
By this point you might be wondering about the liquid dribbled from the end of the Poocat Barrier onto the patio tile, and no, it is not cat pee. It is, in fact...
One of my earlier attempts in cat-pee-smell-suppression involved a bottle of Nature's Miracle Stain & Odor Remover, purchased at a nearby pet supply store. It really didn't work that great, but I also tried it on a hotter day when the smell of cat pee was particularly noticeable. I used up the entire bottle, and in my opinion, the impact was negligible.
At the same time I had tried another defensive approach, Outdoor Granular REPELLENT. FOR DOGS & CATS. Purchased at the same pet supply store. It didn't appear to work at all, although Poocat did appear somewhat curious about the Granules while attempting to appear nonchalant in the face of Sunflower On A Stick.
So now it remains to be seen if a combination of Poocat Barrier and Mr Clean will be sufficiently effective to keep the next couple of weeks Lemony Scented and not-smelling-strongly-of-cat-pee.
The Arrival of Poocat
Archive - June 20, 2008This is the first encounter I had with Poocat, although I did not know it at the time. Blissfully unaware of the future horrors that awaited me, I thought to myself how charming it was to have a fuzzy neighbor that I might become aquinted with and won't it be nice to share together our stories, in the cool of the evening, of other things I find on my patio.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Confuflux 3174
I almost missed it, but I still have a few minutes in PDT to wish you a merry Confuflux, the holy day of Confusion by the Discordian Calendar, the official calendar of Things I Find On My Patio.
And a fine Confuflux it was.
Sweetmorn, Confusion 50, 3174 YOLD (Confuflux)
And a fine Confuflux it was.
Sweetmorn, Confusion 50, 3174 YOLD (Confuflux)
Poocat vs the Sunflower
Well it's been an active day for the Patio, many happenings, comings, goings and goings on. Not the least of which was....
Behold, Laser Vision Poocat! Widely believed to be the mastermind behind the unfortunate blinding of innocent ravers in Russia.
But WTF is this? Sunflower On A Stick guards Poocat's favourite pooing grounds!
After some cautious investigation, Poocat makes a hasty retreat lest Sunflower On A Stick suddenly become hostile.
I Am Not A Vengeful God
I has been brought to my attention by Ian that my last post was somewhat ambiguous as to the circumstances surrounding my acquisition of my new plush sunflower.
I would therefor like to make it clear that I did not laugh cruelly from on high as I looked down upon a weeping child on the street. By the time I went outside to investigate the aforementioned thwip which heralded the arrival of the Sunflower, the crying child was long gone, and thus her ownership of the Sunflower, and subsequent loss due to sibling animosity is purely speculation.
I would therefor like to make it clear that I did not laugh cruelly from on high as I looked down upon a weeping child on the street. By the time I went outside to investigate the aforementioned thwip which heralded the arrival of the Sunflower, the crying child was long gone, and thus her ownership of the Sunflower, and subsequent loss due to sibling animosity is purely speculation.
A Happy Sunflower On A Stick
This cute little plush sunflower was thrown up to or dropped down to my patio, making a merry thwip, this evening as I sat at my desk.
I suspect thrown up from the street, as it landed in the back corner where I imagine it would be pretty hard to drop something from above. There's a ridge of building jutting out that's in the way if you leaned out the patio doors (what it's leaning against), and it's a bit big to fit through the hatch on the bedroom windows that it was more or less below... but I guess the petals are pretty soft, so it probably could have come through there. This would be consistent with the previous occurrences of brightly coloured objects being pushed through a hatch above.
A little girl was crying on the street for a few moments after, which if connected would lend some credibility to the theory of being thrown up from the street, say an evil older brother flinging it up and away to torment his sibling. We may never know for sure.
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